I think if God was trying to tell me something he would be trying to convince me that I am not in charge and that it’s ok to let go. And, nothing teaches you that more than having children.
But, tell that to a mother who is watching her babies move into the world and it’s probably a little easier said than done.
As someone who’s Mantra is I Will submitting to someone who’s mantra is I Am (God) has been a struggle.
Letting Go is probably one of the hardest things in the world for me to do. Maybe because it runs so counter to the powerful and primal need to feel safe, loved, and successful. However, it’s human nature to become too attached to things or people.
But, we live in a world of impermanence. And, when we grasp and try to hold on to the way things are, or were, we set ourselves up for disappointment. And, we end up trapped by our own inability or unwillingness to let go.
From the time my children were born I have been telling my husband that they are only little for a short time; and I feel that time coming to an end. I don’t know, maybe it’s easier for men.
The pain of letting go is not definitely not imaginary. It’s physical, I feel it.
Sometimes I catch myself sitting at my kitchen table, numbly staring out the window at the sunset. There have been many days when I realize that I am tired to the very depths of my being, simply because I am having to deal once more with my upset emotions as a mom. Yet nothing really terrible is going on in my life.
And yet, whenever I become really quite inside, like I was this evening, I become painfully aware that the contentment I am feeling is rather superficial and incomplete. But, what is more painful is this utterly profound yearning that arises, a yearning for something…more.
However, I am having a hard time expressing what more is; peace…love…freedom…joy…fulfillment and yet so much more.
The best word I can come up with is HOME.
I find this unsettling because I am home.
Live and Learn. We all Do.
Thanks for Reading. Please pass this on to someone who means something to you.