This is the expression my aunt uses in expressing herself about the first of her four children. I laugh because I share the same feeling about my son….
I can remember in the hospital looking at him wondering what the hell I was supposed to do with him. I remember thinking so deeply about the consequences about what would happen if I took a shower and left him somewhere where I couldn’t see him; how would I know he was ok? But I managed – and I left the hospital and life picked up and I never really thought about that feeling again. Maybe somehow in my heart I just knew he would be ok; I’m honestly not 100% sure.
I don’t remember having that feeling with my daughter and I definitely didn’t have the feeling with my third baby. And in defense of all those first borns out there, I’m not sure that our first born children deserve the title of “pancake”; even though I say it more to laugh at myself.
I say this because I am a first born and I know that there is a common personality trait among those children in every family no matter what the circumstances are; most of us are forced to grow up the quickest and usually with the highest demands.
I know that I am not unique in expressing this feeling so if someone comes and tells me that raising a kid didn’t come with a package of anxiety and stress at the door – they are a liar!
There are days I wake up and literally wonder how I ended up on the couch baby in tow. How is it possible that I could manage to find a sleeping baby in the pitch dark and feed him all while passed out? No alcohol needed! (j/k ;-))
I call it the mom’s heart. I don’t feel like it has anything to do with age; although I do feel older now. But, I do feel that it has a lot to do with the simple fact that we are the ones who go through the pregnancy process. Something changes to all of us as women when we become moms. It’s universal. I know, because no matter who I meet, if they are a mom I share some commonality with them in their concerns for their children and more so in their fears if they are doing things right.
And, just to be fair, I believe that men are also capable of this feeling but I think it’s a more natural and accepted state for women.
So here’s to my first pancake. May you go out and be the firecracker in the world that you are and know that no matter what I may be doing instead of focusing on you; you are always in my heart.